Benumbed, by Alexis Rodriguez

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Today I’m sitting beside myself after asking, “Can I come in?” I don’t want to be loved widely… but wildly by just one person, I say. In response a big smile comes to my face in acceptance of my silliness, my wise cracking, my nonpolitical correctness.

I think, “get over yourself”! No, not in a vainglorious way but in a  self-indulging and self-pitying way. For a rebellious moment I snip, “its my party…” and then I laugh.

I love laughing at my stupidity, but it hurts because I’ve caused so much pain and when I think back to my most embarrassing moments, I even blush when no one is around. I’ve read somewhere, ” laughter is the best medicine.”

Do you like to laugh? No, not at others expense but at yourself. You know you’re pretty funny, especially when no one is looking or listening. Take time, listen to yourself. The way you think, your lofty prayers, think of the faces you make when angry and resort to “the stink eye”. Hey, its a tried and true method. People will abandon you with the quickness if you tell the the reality of what you’re going through.

At the hospital ask someone the stupid question; How you feeling? Or right after a loss or a crushing, ask, does it hurt? Most will just give you the courtesy of the look, like, what planet are you from (of course it hurts and I’m hurting) and smile.

In my case I’ve been asked to explain what prison is like. I’ve tried but I really can’t. Have you ever been in love and the other person doesn’t even know you exist? Ouch!! Or perhaps you’ve had that dream where you’re unable to move a limb but your eyes remain open then a fly decides your iris is a landing strip? To finish the move it takes a crap. Oh, so I’m the only one huh? Anyway, this week I was allowed to see the most beautiful of God’s creatures, enjoy the feeling of being present near divinity and even bask for a few hours. Thanks for the vicarious company.

by Alexis Rodriguez

Send your encouraging cards and letters to my friend, “Lex” at the following:

Smart Communications/PA DOC 
SCI Dallas 
PO Box 33028 
St Petersburg, FL 33733

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