In here the battle of my mind not only has to deal with my spiritual and moral battle, but it has to fight the urge of the blame game. I’m here because it’s my mom, dad, wife, girlfriend, kids, friends, etc. faults. My wife and I fight constantly, so it’s her fault that I drink so much and commit adultery.
No, I drink because I am an alcoholic and I commit adultery because I can’t control my lust. She is nothing more than an excuse to act out my true hidden desires.
Being a Christian in Christ’s world, I must set the example by taking full responsibility of my sins – past, present, and future. Only be doing that will I be able to clearly see the person that I truly am, and what changes I need to make. It is the way to adjust my morals and boundaries in order to learn to respect other people’s boundaries, and face the truth of the pain I caused to any and all of whom I disrespected in my life.
Satan is called the accuser of the brethren, not the accuser of sinners. He will do his utmost to discourage the saintly. He tries to get the sinner to minimize his sin in order to justify himself, or seek some other way to shift the blame off of himself.
While on the street and heavy into my addictions, even the truth of my reflection in a mirror was not enough or me to accept its truth. I refused to admit that that horrendous creature was me. Surely it had to be someone else, or a drunken distorted illusion.
Needless to say, I never looked into that mirror again, in fear that I would have to admit to myself just how out of control my addiction had become, and that I needed to stop and get help.
I prayed on my knees for God to help me, as I couldn’t stop drinking. Needless to say, He heard my cry and pulled me out of my misery and placed my feet on dry land. After my arrest, sobriety came unwillingly, but it came just the same.
Then He gave me salvation. Here I am, fifteen years later and still sober. One may say that since I’m in prison, I can’t drink in here. But yes, you can, if you have the money.
But I’ve been clean all these years despite many opportunities to the contrary. Still, from time to time, that image of me in that mirror comes to mind. I went from managing a multi-million-dollar retail outlet store, to delivering pizza for drug and booze money. I even stole money from my son.
Today I take responsibility for what I was, and still am: an alcoholic and drug addict. That image was me at my worst.
Don’t wait until you are forced to sobriety by living in prison. And always remember: “I will never leave you or forsake you.” (Heb 13:5)
EDITORS NOTE: While this Christian inmate is known to me by his writings, I have redacted his full name to protect his identity. We use this technique in an abundance of caution to protect him and his family from any negative usage of this information. We thank him for sharing his testimony!